Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
