Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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