she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
