This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
