The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
