I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
