i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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