I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
