God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
