so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
