Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize