Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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