I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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