So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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