am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
