I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
