if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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