I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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