The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
