What did we do last night that was yellow?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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