so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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