ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
