You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
