Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize