Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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