I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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