He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize