her vagine was all disorganized.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
