hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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