the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize