I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
