Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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