none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
