I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
