these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
