I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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