It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
