Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Damn victory sex feels great
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
