Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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