I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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