Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
