BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
