I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
