i barfeds in our rink
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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