I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
