we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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