Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize