he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
