I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
