let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
