I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
