Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
