I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
