My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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