Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize