had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
