if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
