Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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