Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
