All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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