:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
