All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
