Where is the hickey?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
