Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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