i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
