When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
