So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
