My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
