Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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