After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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