anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize