i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
