I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
