loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
