a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize