Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
