Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize