she woke up with a sticky ear
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Semen is not good for contacts.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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