I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize