She is in my trunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
