Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
