I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
