dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
