weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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