Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
