4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize