this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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