Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize