OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
