my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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