Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
