Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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