ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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