with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
do nipples grow back?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
