Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
