i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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