Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize