So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
