Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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