Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
