So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
