my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Welp...herpes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
