why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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