My first STD was from a foam party
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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