Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ugly people sure do ruin things
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
